He vividly remembers meeting her at a sleep-away camp they both attended in 1997; she insists this never happened. However, Ruthie Friedlander and Steven Chaiken can agree that they first met formally at The Fragrance Foundation Awards at Manhattan's Lincoln Center in 2015.
For him, it was love at first sight; "I had never met anyone like her," Chaiken says. "I was hooked from the moment we met." Ruthie, on the other hand, doesn't call her first impression love, but "obsession" seems more fitting. "I wanted to spend all my time with him. Like, every second of the day. I always wanted to know what he was doing...I was obsessed with him from the moment I met him, but it didn't turn into love immediately." Soon after, it did—"very, very quickly"—and the couple dated for a little over three years before Steven proposed.
"I wanted to get away from New York and do it," he recalls of the proposal, planning a trip down to Palm Beach. "To be honest, outside of having the ring, and being there—I had no idea how I was going to [propose]. Luckily, Ruthie and Steven have the kind of relationship that has felt like a marriage for longer than they've been married; they know each other all too well. "On vacations, Ruthie is the best napper you've ever seen," Steven says. "When she went down for a nap, I knew I had a few good hours to figure out the details. I went to the beach, walked down to a fisherman-only dock, and paid a guy $10 to let me return with her a few hours later. As the sun started setting, we walked down to the dock, and I proposed there; I was very nervous."
The proposal was "just the two of us," Ruthie explains. "Of course, our siblings knew it was going to happen—we called them via FaceTime immediately after." Another insider on Steven's proposal plans? Alison Chemla, the "brains and the beauty" behind Alison Lou, and a close friend of the couple's.
Ironically, Ruthie was getting impatient, having planned her engagement ring design down to a tee. "I knew exactly what I wanted...and had dropped enough hints to Steven over the years, who had asked my good friend Alison Chemla to help [him] create the ring of my dreams," she said. "I been complaining to Alison, (who had made the engagement ring so she knew it was happening) two weeks before our trip that we hadn’t gotten engaged yet! I wanted something 'statement making' that I'd [also] want to wear every day." Chemla and Chaiken landed on a gold eternity band, made from channel set diamonds.
The couple, who live together on Manhattan's Upper East Side—the bride is from the Upper West—met, fell in love, and wed in New York City. They enlisted Jung Lee of Fête NY to plan their wedding weekend, which included the city's mainstays—like The Carlyle Hotel, The Frick Collection, Monkey Bar, Mr. Chow, and more. Ruthie and Steven enlisted Shawn Connell to capture their wedding day, along with Craig William Films.
The bride's mother, father, and stepfather are all Reconstructionist rabbis; "it was important to us that we incorporate that," Ruthie explained. In keeping with Jewish tradition, their Friday night rehearsal dinner was, instead, a Shabbat dinner—hosted at Monkey Bar for 70 guests. "It's one of our favorite restaurants—iconic New York," said the bride.
The vibe was "formal meets casual." Ruthie wore Brandon Maxwell, which she styled with Alison Lou earrings, Manolo Blahnik heels, and her hair in an "Ariana Grande pony"; the groom wore Prada. "I really wanted to wear pink, and ended up wearing a fuchsia mini dress that I’m obsessed with," Ruthie says. "Seating was open and there was no formal flow to the night. We were toasted by Steven’s parents, my childhood best friend, dietician Abby K. Cannon, and our mutual best friend couple Juli Weiner and Michael Grynbaum who gave an incredible speech in the style of a Shark Tank-pitch— everyone was on the floor!" The following day, the two got dressed with their families at The Carlyle Hotel in preparation for an evening ceremony across town.
Ruthie wore a bespoke riff on Vera Wang's "Waverly" gown, a look which the brand mentioned they recreated specifically for Ruthie, who had worked with the brand during her time at Elle.com, InStyle, and now as an editorial and digital consultant in the fashion world. The gown, a head-to-toe lace modified fit-to-flare style with long, gathered sleeves and an extended train, was encrusted with crystals and pearls, and capped off with a fully encrusted oversized belt.
Ruthie styled the look with her "something old," her sister's veil, and custom-embroidered Manolo Blahnik heels (her go-to for evening shoes). On-loan Sidney Garber earrings served as her "something borrowed," and her maid-of-honor and sister, Sara Friedlander, worked with Alison Lou to create a "something blue" sapphire bracelet for her look. The bride worked with hair stylist Annie Rush and makeup artist Natalie Livingston, opting for "Barbarella" hair and a smokey cat eye—it was an evening affair, after all.
The couple opted to skip a bridal party, instead having only family accompany them down the aisle. Ruthie's sister, Sara, wore a Monique Lhuillier dress with gold pailettes and illusion sleeves, while Steven's "Woman of Honor" and sister, Jennifer, wore Jay Godfrey. The groom wore Tom Ford.
Ruthie and Steven exchanged vows at Congregation B'nai Jeshurun, the same place her grandparents wed 70 years prior. "We loved the idea of having the same photo that they had taken walking out of the synagogue on their wedding day," Ruthie said. 160 guests took their seats wherever they pleased. "There were no designated bride's or groom's sides, everyone sort of sat with whomever they were friendly with. It was laid out in such a way that we could both actually see people during the ceremony."
As for the ceremony decor, the couple chose not to touch the space—with one exception. "The synagogue itself, in its purest form, is so incredibly beautiful that we decided to really leave it as is. With the exception of my bouquet, there was little color added to the existing color palette," Ruthie explained. "But one of my favorite parts of the decor was our chuppah, which our brother-in-law made for us from wood reclaimed from his home in Woodstock. It was so special to have that part of the ceremony since it’s one of our favorite places."
For the program, the couple stuck with a fairly traditional Jewish ceremony, but felt it was important to explain it to their guests along the way. "We worked really hard to create a program that explained all the Jewish rituals that we chose to include, and shared photos of each of our grandparents from their respective weddings. It was illustrated by a friend of ours, the super creative Rachel Moranis, who drew some fabulous illustrations of Steven, myself, and our (very fat) cat, Gracie."
After the ceremony, the couple took off for Mr. Chow, their go-to date spot, while their guests headed to The Frick Collection on the Upper East Side. "I don't know if there was one specific instance, but it was sort of always my dream wedding venue," Ruthie said of The Frick. "I always would imagine what it would be like to be married there." While their guests sipped on cocktails and enjoyed passed nibbles, the couple took in the moment, and ordered chicken satay and sesame noodles to go.
Ruthie and Steven collaborated with Jung Lee and her team on an event that on paper, felt like an ode to New York City. But while the wedding had completely classic NYC bones—it was, in fact, an ode to the couple's quirk. Case in point: the unicorn color palette. "We wanted it to feel like a weird scene out of Amadeus," Ruthie said. "Think: pastel—candy meets Rococo drama."
Florists Iris & Virgil were tasked with the unique color palette and theme. "They really made our dreams come to life by coming up with a tablescape that was so unique, especially given the seriousness of the space," Ruthie said. Guests took their seats at all white tables decked with candy-colored blooms and taper candles around the Frick's iconic fountain, greeted by the wedding favor as their took their seats. "We really wanted there to be a takeaway from our wedding that was meaningful to the space. Steven found these amazing mini busts that reminded us of some of the sculptures at The Frick Collection, so we placed a white ceramic mini bust at everyone’s place setting."
Guests dined on radicchio salad and black sea bass before enjoying wedding cake, all catered by Daniel Bouloud's catering arm, Feast and Fêtes. The focal point of the reception, undoubtedly, was the dance floor. "We were so nervous not to have a band, but it just didn’t make sense with the space," Ruthie explained.
"Our wedding planner was so clear that DJ PHRESH was our guy so we listened to her, and are lucky we did. He played a great mix of danceable music and we danced our faces off all night. To add some “live” edge, Jung convinced us to hire an electric violinist, Sarah Charness, who really pushed it into over-the-topness. It helped that we made both her and PHRESH dress up in Rococo-style costumes to match the decor and the art at The Frick."
At the reception, Ruthie did a quick change into her after party look, a custom cocktail dress by Carolina Herrera, accented with another pair of Manolo Blahniks. "I had worn a similar dress in yellow to my friend’s wedding and was obsessed with the style, so I asked Wes [Gordon] to make me a version in white for my party. The whole process was amazing and it’s my favorite thing hanging in my closet. I also changed shoes—from my kitten heels to super high Manolos that said “love” in script all over them from the 10th Anniversary Capsule Collection." One more surprise from the theatrically-inclined bride? "I also changed into a Marie Antoinette style wig that I made and covered with about 50 bows and ribbons to go with the decor of The Frick. Just because."
The groom didn't change, but he did "take off his jacket because of our excessive dance-offs in the middle of the dance floor." He also added an after party accessory. "If you know Steven Chaiken, you know that he has a signature baseball cap that he wears—usually from our favorite place in the world: Round Hill, in Jamaica. It’s sort of his uniform; you see the hat coming before you see his face! In another life, we would have gotten married there. So Steven took the Round Hill logo (a pineapple) and font and made it into something relevant to our wedding: R & S Hat. It's a very limited edition release, and he still wears his OG Round Hill hat." The couple's guests joined them on the dance floor all night, and were treated to a photo booth, organized by their photographer, Shawn Connell.
The duo skipped having an official after party, and instead went back to The Carlyle Hotel. "We had a few close friends and family come up to our suite and ordered a significant amount of chicken fingers and french fries."
For their honeymoon, Ruthie and Steven stayed stateside—at Amangiri. "We wanted to be somewhere we’d probably never go again. And somewhere totally different from anywhere we had been before. It was magical."
Ruthie Friedlander serves as the co-founder of non-profit support network The Chain, aimed at providing a support network for women in the fashion and entertainment industries struggling and recovering from eating disorders. MAKE A DONATION
Carrie Goldberg is HarpersBAZAAR.com’s Weddings & Travel Director. She oversees the site’s BAZAAR Bride channel, travel & dining content, and styles fashion and bridal editorials for BAZAAR.com. When she’s not traveling, she spends her free time in her hometown–New York City–where there is no shortage of new places to shop, eat, drink, see and explore.
